May 10th ,2011 5:05pm
I got a phone call saying my mother had died . She was battling ovarian cancer for the longest time and it was in stage four. The chemo wasn't helping. Tumors were growing and her white blood cell count was disappearing.
At the time I was 7months pregnant with my son . I was goin to be a single mom since his father chose a different path. I was depending on mom to be there , to encourage me to be the best mom I can be, and to share the birth of my son.
I was lost . I built up a work load untill I couldn't handle it anymore . By that time I was sick and was forced to go on maternity leave. I was scared to do this alone. I mean I had help my cousins , my aunt and dad was their but I needed my mom.
I hate seeing everyone so happy with their moms and most of all I hate when I see someone disrespect their mom. I know our parents are tough on us but they really just want us to succeed and be able to survive. It's all about life lessons. Trust me I learned the hard way. It's always been the hard way or no way!
The point is mom and I never had the best relationship. It took us two years to even built one. Things were great. I told her things I would never tell anyone. And the good part is she never judged me.
Well anyways.... After she passed I was getting those krazi pregnancy dreams. They were so vivid I freaked out. One night I had one were my mom called me and said she faked her death! It was so real I called my dad at 3am to make sure she was really gone.
May 29,2013 9:11am
This was the date and time I lost my big brother due to a accident at work. I got a call saying he was in critical condition but he was really dead..he was only 26, He left three amazing kids behind. Everyday I feel so bad that they won't have exciting memories to make with him. And as I promised him I will keep his memories alive with his kids. I'm heart broken💔, lost, and I feel so down and sad. I'm so busy staying strong for everyone including my husband and kids that I forget to deal with my own problems . I honestly can't remember the last time I had a good nights sleep. I've tired talking to someone but that didn't help. I've tried anti depressants that didn't help. I don't wanna feel like this anymore.
I'm at the point to where I'm so strong that I'm forgetting who I am.
Things are and won't ever be the same.
I'm tired of not be able to call my mom or brother and telling them funny shyt that's happened.
I'm tired of feeling empty and heart broken.
I'm tired of ppl saying their still with me !!
I'm tired of just being freaking tired!!!!! 😡
I'm angry and I dislike being angry . It's a waste of perfectly good life points.
But one thing I do know is that unconditional love never dies.
It's weird how you know that they still love you even when their gone.
Giving up the fight is never a option 👊
Just remember to cherish those moments with the ppl you love and even when your parents are being assholes they do it because they love you and that's just what parents do, because if they didn't then that's when you will worry. And also, our siblings are our first and last friends we will ever have, stop fighting over stupid stuff and be happy you have them their with you!💜
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